life is a puzzle. who really knows themselves very well? i don't even understand why am i feeling emotional recently. its like i want to move on, but sometimes memories just flash back.

i can't describe well, but i really miss the past, the old me, the few people around me. perhaps i am the only one who is not moving fast, but i'm really trying. trying not to be emotional.. i miss the past, when i felt so happy and in whole as a person. though, i don't smile, but inside i already know i am happy with what i have.

now, its just empty as one. the people around me, i smile and laughed..but what's the meaning of "happy",i seemed to miss it so much but i got no idea how to find it back. then i realize, i have put too much hope in someone in the past..too much of relying, that i would get hurt too. so every now and then, i'm afraid of relying on to someone, pining hope on someone, now i always got the thinking that everything would end soon. it may really be better to rely on god..

the dreams we used to have together when we're young, till now..sometimes i got emotional when i thought of how close we used to be and now we're like strangers, perhaps i remember i don't talk to anyone when i'm young just like a autistic kid. but somehow, you make me open up to people, then i slowly go church and all. i know its not right to rely so much on a friend, i mean my feelings. i always treated you as a family. now, i know everything is not possible to be like the past. as we've grown up and all. its just me, randomly thinking about the past. i don't know why i used to open up myself to people in the past easily. now i'm alone, i felt so hard, to let people know the real me. i'm afraid of people judgement, too afraid of being hurt.

i used to feel very happy and bubbly as one, with my grandma and my friend by my side. and at times, i could visit my dad too. i missed him in the past, but now no more at all.
after we have go our different ways, and my grandma is getting old, she forgot a lot of things and somehow i can't confide to her like i always used to when i am young, i cry and laugh with her in the past..i turn to her when i am down.. not blaming anyone. but sometimes..it feels so sad, so sad, that i am not moving on fast. i hate it..really. i don't want to miss the past anymore, i don't wish to feel like i am so happy in the past and i can't retrieve the feelings back. wo hao xin ku, another side of me no one would ever know except god. sometimes, i felt so weak i wanna slap myself so hard to tell myself to move on.

life is a puzzle. who really knows themselves very well? i don't even understand why am i feeling emotional recently. its like i want to move on, but sometimes memories just flash back.

i can't describe well, but i really miss the past, the old me, the few people around me. perhaps i am the only one who is not moving fast, but i'm really trying. trying not to be emotional.. i miss the past, when i felt so happy and in whole as a person. though, i don't smile, but inside i already know i am happy with what i have.

now, its just empty as one. the people around me, i smile and laughed..but what's the meaning of "happy",i seemed to miss it so much but i got no idea how to find it back. then i realize, i have put too much hope in someone in the past..too much of relying, that i would get hurt too. so every now and then, i'm afraid of relying on to someone, pining hope on someone, now i always got the thinking that everything would end soon. it may really be better to rely on god..

the dreams we used to have together when we're young, till now..sometimes i got emotional when i thought of how close we used to be and now we're like strangers, perhaps i remember i don't talk to anyone when i'm young just like a autistic kid. but somehow, you make me open up to people, then i slowly go church and all. i know its not right to rely so much on a friend, i mean my feelings. i always treated you as a family. now, i know everything is not possible to be like the past. as we've grown up and all. its just me, randomly thinking about the past. i don't know why i used to open up myself to people in the past easily. now i'm alone, i felt so hard, to let people know the real me. i'm afraid of people judgement, too afraid of being hurt.

i used to feel very happy and bubbly as one, with my grandma and my friend by my side. and at times, i could visit my dad too. i missed him in the past, but now no more at all.
after we have go our different ways, and my grandma is getting old, she forgot a lot of things and somehow i can't confide to her like i always used to when i am young, i cry and laugh with her in the past..i turn to her when i am down.. not blaming anyone. but sometimes..it feels so sad, so sad, that i am not moving on fast. i hate it..really. i don't want to miss the past anymore, i don't wish to feel like i am so happy in the past and i can't retrieve the feelings back. wo hao xin ku, another side of me no one would ever know except god. sometimes, i felt so weak i wanna slap myself so hard to tell myself to move on.