life is a puzzle. who really knows themselves very well? i don't even understand why am i feeling emotional recently. its like i want to move on, but sometimes memories just flash back.

i can't describe well, but i really miss the past, the old me, the few people around me. perhaps i am the only one who is not moving fast, but i'm really trying. trying not to be emotional.. i miss the past, when i felt so happy and in whole as a person. though, i don't smile, but inside i already know i am happy with what i have.

now, its just empty as one. the people around me, i smile and laughed..but what's the meaning of "happy",i seemed to miss it so much but i got no idea how to find it back. then i realize, i have put too much hope in someone in the past..too much of relying, that i would get hurt too. so every now and then, i'm afraid of relying on to someone, pining hope on someone, now i always got the thinking that everything would end soon. it may really be better to rely on god..

the dreams we used to have together when we're young, till now..sometimes i got emotional when i thought of how close we used to be and now we're like strangers, perhaps i remember i don't talk to anyone when i'm young just like a autistic kid. but somehow, you make me open up to people, then i slowly go church and all. i know its not right to rely so much on a friend, i mean my feelings. i always treated you as a family. now, i know everything is not possible to be like the past. as we've grown up and all. its just me, randomly thinking about the past. i don't know why i used to open up myself to people in the past easily. now i'm alone, i felt so hard, to let people know the real me. i'm afraid of people judgement, too afraid of being hurt.

i used to feel very happy and bubbly as one, with my grandma and my friend by my side. and at times, i could visit my dad too. i missed him in the past, but now no more at all.
after we have go our different ways, and my grandma is getting old, she forgot a lot of things and somehow i can't confide to her like i always used to when i am young, i cry and laugh with her in the past..i turn to her when i am down.. not blaming anyone. but sometimes..it feels so sad, so sad, that i am not moving on fast. i hate it..really. i don't want to miss the past anymore, i don't wish to feel like i am so happy in the past and i can't retrieve the feelings back. wo hao xin ku, another side of me no one would ever know except god. sometimes, i felt so weak i wanna slap myself so hard to tell myself to move on.

i remember how i used to be. and i like how i used to be.

but as i got older, i seemed to changed easily. i go with the flow..i seemed to lost what's really inside of me. or perhaps, i am still me, but the old me is being buried deep inside me. i cant seemed to revive myself back.

i don't hold on to the past anymore, but i am someone who always treasure the memories of all the good things which happen in the past. always remembering the 'feelings' because it don't come by to my life often.

to speak honestly, its been sucha long time, since i remember myself "smiling" like i really mean it. maybe in the past, because of a childhood friend who make me open up to talk when i am young, but now we are both grown up and.., though i do talk now, but its hard to find back a true friendship again and how can i felt so different from the past? no idea, perhaps new environment, everything new. i am slowly trying to blend in though at times i am still my old self.

good or bad? i have no idea. i guess many people cant read me, because i am complicated. always trying to let people know the very surface of me.


dont know what am i doing at times
but, for things dont matter, which dont deserve my time..
i guess its time to let go and just go ahead and be myself..
dont turn back..just keep moving, keep moving, until i am able to see a light soon..

Hi to blogger, everything fresh again.
i know this blog design is not me. but shall take some time to find a nicer skin.
that will do for now.


ciaos.

life is a puzzle. who really knows themselves very well? i don't even understand why am i feeling emotional recently. its like i want to move on, but sometimes memories just flash back.

i can't describe well, but i really miss the past, the old me, the few people around me. perhaps i am the only one who is not moving fast, but i'm really trying. trying not to be emotional.. i miss the past, when i felt so happy and in whole as a person. though, i don't smile, but inside i already know i am happy with what i have.

now, its just empty as one. the people around me, i smile and laughed..but what's the meaning of "happy",i seemed to miss it so much but i got no idea how to find it back. then i realize, i have put too much hope in someone in the past..too much of relying, that i would get hurt too. so every now and then, i'm afraid of relying on to someone, pining hope on someone, now i always got the thinking that everything would end soon. it may really be better to rely on god..

the dreams we used to have together when we're young, till now..sometimes i got emotional when i thought of how close we used to be and now we're like strangers, perhaps i remember i don't talk to anyone when i'm young just like a autistic kid. but somehow, you make me open up to people, then i slowly go church and all. i know its not right to rely so much on a friend, i mean my feelings. i always treated you as a family. now, i know everything is not possible to be like the past. as we've grown up and all. its just me, randomly thinking about the past. i don't know why i used to open up myself to people in the past easily. now i'm alone, i felt so hard, to let people know the real me. i'm afraid of people judgement, too afraid of being hurt.

i used to feel very happy and bubbly as one, with my grandma and my friend by my side. and at times, i could visit my dad too. i missed him in the past, but now no more at all.
after we have go our different ways, and my grandma is getting old, she forgot a lot of things and somehow i can't confide to her like i always used to when i am young, i cry and laugh with her in the past..i turn to her when i am down.. not blaming anyone. but sometimes..it feels so sad, so sad, that i am not moving on fast. i hate it..really. i don't want to miss the past anymore, i don't wish to feel like i am so happy in the past and i can't retrieve the feelings back. wo hao xin ku, another side of me no one would ever know except god. sometimes, i felt so weak i wanna slap myself so hard to tell myself to move on.

i remember how i used to be. and i like how i used to be.

but as i got older, i seemed to changed easily. i go with the flow..i seemed to lost what's really inside of me. or perhaps, i am still me, but the old me is being buried deep inside me. i cant seemed to revive myself back.

i don't hold on to the past anymore, but i am someone who always treasure the memories of all the good things which happen in the past. always remembering the 'feelings' because it don't come by to my life often.

to speak honestly, its been sucha long time, since i remember myself "smiling" like i really mean it. maybe in the past, because of a childhood friend who make me open up to talk when i am young, but now we are both grown up and.., though i do talk now, but its hard to find back a true friendship again and how can i felt so different from the past? no idea, perhaps new environment, everything new. i am slowly trying to blend in though at times i am still my old self.

good or bad? i have no idea. i guess many people cant read me, because i am complicated. always trying to let people know the very surface of me.


dont know what am i doing at times
but, for things dont matter, which dont deserve my time..
i guess its time to let go and just go ahead and be myself..
dont turn back..just keep moving, keep moving, until i am able to see a light soon..

Hi to blogger, everything fresh again.
i know this blog design is not me. but shall take some time to find a nicer skin.
that will do for now.


ciaos.